It is very difficult when you “find” in your journey, what has been deep inside of you for years. At first, you feel happy and somewhat free, then is the sinking feeling “how will I get there?” and “what must I let go of in order to get there”? Finding what makes you happy and what brings you peace is only about 20-30% of the battle. The months that follow are hard, but not nearly as hard as being unhappy was.
You have to let go of what no longer serves you. You must put yourself first. You must reclaim everything that makes you, you. This all sounds very easy, but it is hard. I did it though. I left it all behind, I took my clothes, my car and I pushed hard forward. It took about a year for me to feel comfortable in my “skin”. When I looked in the mirror I smiled. I was truly happy. I never thought I would be truly happy.
I did it. I lived alone (well with Lucy) and we had a really happy and regimented life. We slept, we ate healthy, we exercised (a lot), we relaxed and we snuggled. We were keepers of our own time. I also journaled. Through journaling I recognized my biggest fears were: I would always be alone, I would never have children and that I would never be truly happy.
I recognized that by putting myself first, I had become healthy, active and truly happy. Everything else just kind of played out, fell in to place.
Life now is good. I struggle to maintain balance, I struggle to put myself first. There are ways in which you must put yourself first, in order to be able to be there for your other half when they need you, or in order to properly care for children. I am definitely more prone to letting things go when it comes to my own needs. Recently, I have noticed that by not taking care of these few things for myself, I cannot handle stress as well, and I am not as capable of combating negativity. The thing is, I am happy, but I am not as peaceful. I do not shine as brightly. I have started another B.B. program, the 80 day obsession. It is imperative that I am healthy and strong. This dictates my self esteem, which largely impacts my peace and joy. I am hoping this re-centers me and my priorities and allows me to regain my prior level of positivity, glow, strength and peace. Here’s to me (and to you). Don’t let your luster go!!! xo