I had already found myself. I had learned to love myself. I remembered what it was like the smile and to laugh, really laugh! I could feel my heart and soul were light and happy. Everywhere I went, I was asked, what have you done to yourself? People were amazed. I felt like I was in college again, just with more responsibilities. I had my career, which I loved, and all the people I loved surrounding me. Recognizing love and light in every person, event and thing made me glow. Every challenge I looked at, I remembered and said “how is this teaching me to love more”. It had become an incredible life.
I also loved. It was a different Love I had never experienced before. The kind that gives you butterflies and makes you smile all day, smile in your sleep and makes you hum throughout your day. He was such a brilliant man. He brought so much to me; intellectual stimulation, safety, laughter, passion, and little notes in my lunch everyday that made me beam light everywhere. I had never ever felt so much before. He made my coffee in the morning, and knew exactly how I liked it; he was attentive and knew just what I was thinking a lot of the time. Anything was a perfect activity with him. The really amazing part is, I still was not waiting for the floor to drop out. I loved and loved every day. I still do.
NO, I was not blissfully happy every minute of the day. However, happiness did dominate my life. I felt and expressed all kinds of emotion, which was a new thing for me. This life is working out.
I really believe that yoga, meditation, exercise, dietary changes and learning to love myself enabled me to regain a life that had snowballed into something horrific. I had saved myself!! More specifically, I had given myself another chance. I forgave myself for everything I felt I had not done, or had done and moved on. In forgiving, I became free. I will be talking about how each specific “habit” changed my life and how. Until then …