Berkshires & Big Mistakes!

So here I was, ready to leave my comfy home, ready to move back to a place I loved and hated. I was happy, I was close to my niece, my sister, my nephews and my bestie and her handsome little guy. It was really nice. We (Lucy and I ) moved back in with my parents after a short stay with a friend. I drove back and forth to Baystate to work 5 days per week. I began staying over at a local hotel in West Springfield some nights. The commute was difficult. I was getting so tired. I met this guy through a mutual friend who seemed pretty great. He was nice and respectful. He was always full of compliments, and genuine. He seemed very simple and like very simple country-like things. It was refreshing. I started spending time with him. He was nice and seemed to want similar things that I did. He was always willing to attend family functions and seemed very willing to not participate in party life and drama. I felt a little unsure, but at the very least it was fun, comfortable and easy. I felt happy for a short time. I quickly began to see clingy, controlling behavior that was alarming to me. Then came consistent criticism of my friends. I thought “oh hell no” and tried very hard to back out carefully. There are a lot of details that were alarming, and things about he relationship, such as speed etc that worries me. But I am not real willing to share all of those things. I think the important lesson was : if it feels wrong, you are scared or you feel smothered > get away as fast as you can. Anyone who wants to control you has some type of imbalance within their own psyche. This was really stressful for me. On top of his constant outbursts I also had to deal with him flip flopping on hating me and wanting another chance. In the end it went the way it should’ve.

Also, I really missed my home in East Longmeadow. I had found that several times I wished I had never left. In any event, after being stressed by this smothering short dating experience, I decided I was going to take a vacation alone. I couldn’t wait. Meanwhile, I was still working in the ER, commuting; doing yoga; hiking; taking Lucy swimming; looking at my options. I still loved life, and wondered what was to come.

I was having a discussion with a close friend; Where was the cop/farmer? Why hadn’t I heard from him? What did I do wrong? Why couldn’t I just forget about him and move along? ………on the other hand, another lesson learned about what I DO NOT WANT!!!!

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